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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Monday, February 25, 2008 12:15 PM
as promised, i'm blogging about some things about relationship.

there are EIGHT types of relationships that won't work.
1) You care more about your partner than he does about you.
you are in love, but you are not sure how he feels. you think that the two fo you can be perfect together, but he doesn't seem to be that excited about the relationshiip. you can't stop thinking about him when you are apart, but he seems to be doing find without you. what does all this mean? it meas you are in a relationship that is not going to work.

can two walk together; unless they are agreed?

there are always going to be moments or days when ne person is more "in love" than the other. In a healthy relationship, this feelings switches back and forth so that both partners take turns pursuing and getting pursued. however, a relationship is NOT healthy when only one person is doin the pursuing most or all the time. this is a relationship that is out of balance and therefore will never work. if this continues over a long period, you will end up feeeling angry, cheated , miserable and starving for love.

2) you are in love with your partner's potential
you aren't really in love with who they actually are, you are in love with who you hope they can become. with that kidn of mindset, the person is not your love partner, he is really your "pet project"! if you have begun a relationship with someone, make sure you love, respect and enjoy that person as he is today.
if you keep hoping to change your partner so that you will eventually be happy with him, you aren't being fair to either of you. you are really gambling with both your happiness and future. if you are feelings something for someone right now, be honest with yourself. ask yourself :"am i willing to spend the rest of my life with this person if he never changes the way he is right now?"

3) you are on a rescue mission
do you often feel sorry for your partner? do you feel responsible for helping your partner get his life together? are you afraid that if you leave your partner's life would fall apart? if your answer is "yes" to any of those question, you are probably a "rescue-holic!" rescue-holics don't look for partners who are compatible; they look for partners whom they feel compelled to help.
you come across someone who seems wounded, fragile, unloved and disadvantaged. you feel compelled to love an care for him. in time, he feel grateful and you feel so noble. but one you are in it, is REALLY HARD to get out because you will feel guilty; as if you are abandoning your helpless partner and hurting him terribly.
people who are on emotional rescue mission often mistake sympathy for love. the person you choose to love must be someone you can feel respect for and be proud ofwho he is. a genuine love relationship is not based on what you can do for a person, but on how much intimacy you two can experience together.

4) you look up to your partner as a role model
when you fall in love with someone who is your role model, it is difficult to have a normal relationship. you can never genuinely relation to each other as equals. it is not status, but attitudes. people who fall in love with a role model usually suffer from very low self-esteem. how can you love other people if you can't even love yourself?
the only way a relationship can work is if
a) you love and appreciate yourself as much as you love and admire him
b) your parner is willing to stop functioning as your mentor

5) you are infatuated with your partner for external reasons.
if you ever find yourself infatuated with one element of a partner's personality, ask yourself: "if the person doesn't have those big eyes, gorgeous harid, a great voice or nto a basketball player... would i still like to be with him or her?"
CHARM IS DECEITFUL AND BEAUTY IS PASSING

6) you and your partner are really "trench buddies"
boboth of you are thrown together on a project at work. the project requires long hours and teamwork. in the middle of it, you feel like you're falling in love with each other.
"trench buddies" are people thrown into the trenches of unusual environments where they live life toghther for a short while. in that period, they become intensely bounded together. but usually it doesnt last.
A HAPPY, FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY BE FORGED THROUGH A SUBSTANTIAL PROCESS OF TIME.

7) you choose a partner in order to be rebellious.
your parents have always emphasized theimportance of money and prestige and all your boyfriends are always broke. your parents always insisted on order and discipline in your house, and all the women you befriend are total slobs.
IS NOT that relationships between perople of different backgrounds can't work. but if you have a pattern of choosing partners who upset your family, you are probably acting out of rebelion.
when you act out of compulsion and not out of choice, your love is no longer genuine and the relationship is doomed to fail.

8) your partner is emotional unavailable.
available: free to be in a relationship with you; not involved with anyone else; not married; not engagedl not going steady; not sleeping with another person; alone; single; all yours.